


5 Times It Was Left Unspoken and 1 Time It Wasn't

by Cgetbrmj



Series: Daryl's Acting Weird [1]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Anxiety, Blankets, Caregiver!Rick, Crying, Daryl Dixon Needs a Hug, Daryl Dixon will get a hug I promise, Diapers, Good Parent Rick Grimes, Hurt/Comfort, Infantilism, Nightmares, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pining, Rick and Daryl are two clueless boys essentially, Rick grimes is a worried parent tm, Worried Rick Grimes, little!Daryl
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:36:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23980936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cgetbrmj/pseuds/Cgetbrmj
Summary: A somewhat short 5+1 fic taking place and leading up to a bigger fic I have in mind.*** This is COMPLETELY inspired by NobodyGivesAShit1969s story Daryl's Acting weird, I'm so thankful she let me write this and start rewriting her story. :3Daryl has a problem.Actually he has a few of them.It's just a shame that a certain sheriff doesnt see that.I'm terrible at summaries but I really hope you guys like it, there's a lot more story to go.
Relationships: Daryl Dixon & Rick Grimes, Maggie Greene/Glenn Rhee
Series: Daryl's Acting Weird [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1729111
Comments: 20
Kudos: 57





	1. What are you, a school councilor?

**Author's Note:**

> First fic taking place after the farm and before the prison :3

He'd always had problems when it came to bedwetting. So logicly he wasn't too surprised when it started happening more often again, even if he tried not to think about it, put the others before him, he could admit it. He'd been through a lot recently, it did affect him. So if he really thought about it, no it wasn't a surprise.

Of course that didn't make the situation any better and in Daryl's mind it definitely wasn't okay. How was he suppose to call himself a Dixon when he wet himeslf at night like a baby. When he kind of, almost wanted to be treated like a baby? 

No. No he wasn't even going to think about that. He wasn't allowed to think like that. To want that. 

That never stopped his mind daydreaming about it. 

The really sick thing was that he didn't even want to go back to when he was a baby, no because that was far too normal in itself for Daryl, no, he had to want that but as him now. With his group. 

Daryl bit his lip and frustratedly sighed through his nose.  
He abruptly stood up, making some of the group jump a bit, everyone was in a bit of a daze, there but not there. It was hard right now. 

He barely glanced over his shoulder and quietly called out to Rick, he knew he'd hear him, wasn't like anyone really did any idle chatting now. 

"gonna go out to the woods, see if there's anything we can eat"

Then he was gone. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Rick watched him leave, sighing a bit.  
The hunter pushed himself so much for this group. 

They needed it, Rick knew that they needed it and he hated that he couldn't really spare Daryl that. 

He was grateful, so grateful to have Daryl with them but he could see it, he was tired, they were all tired.

He knew that nobody else could hunt like Daryl though and even if he did tell Daryl to rest, he'd probably end up making daryl feel uncomfortable and then they'd all be hungry and-

He took in a deep breath. 

Why did things have to be so complicated now?  
He just wanted to take care of his family. All he'd ever really wanted. But now, he couldn't even risk that. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Daryl stalked around the forest. 

He was on edge, they were all on edge.  
That's what made him so worked up, he knew that everyone in their group felt like that.

Not only that he couldn't do anything to help them stop feeling like that but that it wasn't just him. He couldn't run up to their leader and cry to him about how unfair life was and how shitty he felt because they all felt like that. 

That's what he really wanted to do though.  
Cry his heart out. 

Somewhere along the line his bedwetting habits had moved into daytime accidents, god he hated how that sounded, and now he was forced to wear diapers (actually he wore pull ups in the hope that they would be less visible, if visible at all but of course Daryl wasn't going to make that correction) all the time because maybe today would be a good day and maybe it wouldn't and wasn't that just great. 

They barely had any food, water, only as much shelter as the next house they came across. 

Everyone was getting snappy, he knew it wasn't at him, at anyone, hell he was snappy long before their scavenging days. It still didn't make him feel good. 

Every little thing felt like the worst thing in his life. 

He just wanted to cry a river and never stop. 

Then there was the matter of this baby stuff. He didnt want to be a baby, he didn't want to be defenseless. Not all the time.

He didn't want to be a burden or dead weight. 

He didn't want the group to think he was stupid and let them down. 

On the other hand though, he really did want to be a baby and be special to the group and praised for being such a good boy. For being their good boy. 

He had a lot of thoughts and when you're alone in the woods it's hard to ignore them.  
He'd always been a nail biter, he'd do it when he was anxious, not the worst coping mechanism but chewed up fingernails and bloody cuticles weren't the best either. 

Still, with his thumb so close to his mouth, maybe he could-

No this wasn't okay. He wasn't okay. 

Nobody was around. It wasnt like he would be found doing this. 

So he tried it.

Slowly, gently, he slipped his thumb further into his mouth, until it was carefully resting on his tounge. 

It felt nice, really nice. 

He was certain his thumb was dirtier than the ground at this stage though and that there were far too many germs in his mouth, nobody was there to reprimand him of that though, or gently tug his thumb out and replace it with a pacifier-

He dropped his hand immediately. 

Woah.

Where the hell had that come from. 

Needing the diapers was one thing, one gross, humiliating thing but wanting a stupid baby item.

What was wrong with him?

\------------------------------------------------------------------

It was late, probably. It definitely felt late.

Rick had watched Daryl come back out of the woods a little bit ago, he was quiet.

Which certainly wasn't unlike Daryl, he was typically more reserved but this felt like more than just everyone's lack of energy.

It was Ricks shift first but he could clearly see sitting down, a couple steps away from the others, that daryl was awake, fiddling with his fingers.

Rick walked over towards the hunter, being careful to not wake anyone else up.

"hey" he spoke quietly to daryl as he slid down the wall, sitting just close enough to Daryl to not have to raise his voice too much.

"mmhm"

A typical Daryl response, a typical everyone response really.

Rick yawned behind his hand,

"everything go okay?"

Daryl looked up at him, a slight look of confusion there.

"guess so" he answered with the tiniest of shrugs before looking down again.

Rick looked around a bit before letting his eyes waver over Lori's stomach.  
The baby would be born soon.  
He let out a small sigh, things were complicated, whether he liked it or not.

Daryl heard him and lifted his head a bit, following his gaze. When he registered what Rick must have been thinking about he darted his eyes away,glancing down and turned his head away from Rick.

The leader was a bit surprised by Daryl's reaction but supposed that he was probably frustrated about their current situation too. He knew that Daryl wanted the best for everyone, he'd do anything for them.

"I know it's been rough these past months"

Daryl scoffed, "don't need to tell me"

Rick let out a low almost chuckle,  
"wasn't quite where I was going"

Daryl peeked up at Rick, intrigued.  
Rick was quiet for a second, glanced at daryl.  
"I'm here if you want to talk"

Daryl looked down again muttering,  
"what are you, a school councelor?"  
Rick felt a small smile forming on his face and ducked his head.

"if that's what you need me to be"

He knew that Daryl heard him. He knew that Daryl wouldn't take him up on that offer. He didn't pretend to know what Daryls been through, he never had. Rick wouldn't ask Daryl to come and share his secrets and tell him about his mental wellbeing.  
He wasn't expecting Daryl to take him up on that offer at all. Maybe that would be all that was said about it. An open invitation.  
Maybe not?


	2. Can you just shut up for a sec?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything feels like it's going in a downward spiral for Daryl and with a newborn baby on their hands, it was inevitable that somebody would snap at him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 :3 sorry its a tiny bit late hope you enjoy!

Carol was gone, probably dead. Lori was dead. There was a baby. Rick was gone. 

How the hell had that happened so fast?

As soon as Daryl saw that tiny baby in Maggies arms he just knew that things were about to get a lot more complicated.  
With Rick somewhere down in the cell block, somehow everyone just naturally looked to him for leadership.  
When had he ever tried to be leader?  
Sure he was right by Rick's side and gave input but he had never once tried to lead the group. Not once, so why was he in this position?  
Even if he was overwhelmed, of course there was no way he was going to do nothing, he wasn't like that.  
He did however think about all the different situations he would rather be in instead of on his bike, racing to get baby supplies and food.  
He already had a wet pull up from earlier, when they were searching for t-dog and Carol and obviously he had no time whatsoever to change himself then, so now he was stuck with an uncomfortable pull up between his legs.  
As he was collecting supplies he quickly grabbed some pacifiers he saw, stopping in his tracks.  
He had a pretty good opportunity to just grab another one and keep it in his bag.  
No one else was with him, no one else ever had to find out and if anyone saw it in his bag he could just say that he must have missed it when giving the baby items over to the group.  
He let out a frustrated sigh.  
He wasn't supposed to want this that badly.  
He did though and he knew it.  
While looking at various baby items he did find a small, very soft blanket and couldn't really resist taking it back with him, screw it, he could hide it, easy, right?  
He also grabbed more pull ups for himself, being painfully reminded the entire time about the uncomfortable coldness of the one he was wearing.

As soon as he got back to the prison he was greeted and able to hand over some of the bags he filled for the baby.  
Relaxing a little he thought that he might be able to deal with his wet pull up but was called over by Glenn to help out.  
God this day was just getting worse and worse and worse.  
Everyone was huddled in the same room, trying to comfort the baby and themselves too probably.  
Well almost everyone.  
When he walked in he started immediately checking who was there before noticing something that made him start to feel a small ball of anxiety in his stomach.  
"Rick's not here" Daryl wasn't even sure if he meant to say it like a question or a statement but he knew deep down that it wasn't really a question.  
Maggie shook her head a little, looking guilty, if anything. He felt bad for her.  
He expected it, he couldn't say that he hadn't expected this but he still felt his stomach drop at knowing that Rick wasn't there.  
What would that mean? Was he expected to be in charge? Was Rick even okay? What if Rick got himself into more danger than he could handle? What if he was already de-  
"I went down to find him and tell him to come back." Glenn cuts off his anxious thinking, leading him out of the room.  
"almost killed me really, he doesn't look good" he whispered.  
Daryl felt his anxiety growing stronger, how long would Rick be down there?  
Instead of saying that though, he mumbled,  
"why you tellin' me?"  
He saw Glenn's face fall a bit more.  
"there's a lot of people here, people who are worried about how Ricks going to recover and how fast he can do that-"  
Daryl cut him off, half glaring at him,  
"yeah and what do you want me to do about it? You're getting antsy about the group, fix it yourself"  
That was harsh, more harsh than Daryl actually felt but he wasn't about to let that show.  
He was overwhelmed and wanted his family to be there for him too. Instead of having Glenn tell him to step up and lead he wanted him to ask him if he was doing okay.  
He wasn't.  
Glenn looked kind of taken aback. Maybe not surprised but... Dissapointed? No, that didn't feel right either, whatever it was though, Daryl didn't like it. He had to fight the urge to quirm on the spot, his wet pull up getting more uncomfortable by the second.  
Glenn sighed.  
"look man, I'm not trying to put this on you, okay? But I can't do this by myself. Everyone trusts you, just, can you help me out?"  
Daryl looked off to the side, glaring at the floor, looking a bit like a sulking child who hasn't gotten their way.  
He didn't answer Glenn, just walked back to where the others were talking. 

After the baby was fed, she had started crying again.  
Daryl liked her, loved her even, of course he did but he was jealous of her.  
Not a day old and he could tell that she could get anything, have anyone fussing over her in a heartbeat at her cries.  
He couldn't do that.

Daryl winced at another piercing cry,  
"god, can ya get her to stop crying already"  
A few people looked annoyed at his comments, Glenn biting his lip in what was probably frustration, he seemed nervous, fidgety.  
Hershel spared a glance over at Daryl from where he was sitting with Beth.  
"she's a baby, Daryl" he said, small smile on his lips, he tilted his head a bit to look at him better. He looked slightly amused.  
"that's what babies do"  
He was clearly speaking to Daryl like he was a child. Something that was annoying on a whole different level because that was something he actually did want. He wanted to be their baby and sometimes they would talk to him like that but it wasn't real. Just teasing him for being annoying.  
If they were gonna talk to him like that then why couldn't he get the attention and cry when he wanted it?  
"she doesn't have to..." he replied somewhat moodily.  
As if knowing exactly what daryl said, the baby cried louder again, making everyone go fuss over her, trying to calm down the distressed child.  
Glenn sighed quietly,  
"man, do you have to?"  
Still trying to be nice even though Daryl was probably getting on his nerves, probably getting on everyone's nerves.  
Daryl didn't care, he was cold and uncomfortable and wet and he knew he had a rash by now and there was this baby and everyone was expecting him to step up and Rick was nowhere to be seen.  
"she's gonna end up calling every walker out there to the fences" he muttered. 

"can you just shut up for a second?" Glenn snapped at Daryl, making him shrink back a little.  
Almost immediately Glenn had turned back around, trying to help with the baby and do anything else he could to make things easier.  
Daryl felt tears in his eyes and was quick to blink them away, as best as he could. He swallowed hard, turning around.  
If he stayed here when he started overthinking, he'd probably end up crying and he couldn't do that. Not in front of them. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

When Rick came back things were.... Rocky. Eventually he came back to his senses though and everyone became a bit more relaxed now that they knew Rick was going to be okay.  
He was a bit confused though. He looked around but he couldn't spot the archer anywhere.  
"Where's Daryl?" he asked, eyes darting over to Glenn.  
At this Glenn tilted his head a bit and quickly scanned the room.  
"I don't know, I can't see him anywhere"  
Rick tried not to let the worry show.  
He swallowed and took a deep breath before looking up at Glenn.  
"well when was the last time you saw him?"  
"the last time I saw him? Well the last time I saw him was-" he stopped talking, eyes going a bit wide, he turned and looked at Rick.  
"well" he looked at the ground guiltily, "I snapped at him earlier. God, I don't even remember what he said but I just kinda lost it for a second." his brows furrowed. "but I didn't say anything particularly hurtful or whatever? I think I just told him to shut up or something? I don't think I've seen him since then" he shrugged.  
That was... New? A bit odd too, for Daryl. Why would he leave because of that?  
Rick really wanted to go and find him but he had the baby here right now, he wasn't about to walk away from this again.  
Instead he filed that into his mental list of 'odd things daryl does' and tried to refocus his attention on what's in front of him.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright once again hope you guys are enjoying the story so far! Stay safe everyone 💕


	3. Babies don't usually sleep sound during the night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Daryl has a nightmare about something he'd prefer to not think about, even if it was the only thing going through daryls mind right now.
> 
> Even if the whole world felt wrong and scary there was always (ALWAYS always!) one person he knew he could count on.
> 
> Rick just wants the best for his family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another week, another chapter

The walker looked up at him.  
Merle.  
The walker, Merle.   
The walking started standing up.  
Merle was standing up, Merle? Merle was the walker. He was stumbling over to Daryl.  
Merle was the walker.  
Merle was dead.  
His brother was dead.   
He was getting closer to him, was that because Daryl was walking?  
Merle was walking.  
Maybe Daryl was walking, maybe that's why he was getting so close. If he was walking he wouldn't know, he felt so numb. Maybe he was floating.  
Maybe he was falling.

Daryl flinched awake, making some sort of whimpering sound.

He was breathing hard, really hard, was it suppose to be this difficult to breathe?

The vivid images of his nightmare, his memories, he reminded himself, came flooding back to him.

He made another choking sound, like he was holding back a sob.

He probably was.

He reached under his pillow, feeling the soft fabric of the blanket he'd taken there. He didn't dare actually take it out but he needed the comfort so badly right now.

Just when he thought that maybe his erratic breathing had slowed a bit, he heard footsteps.

Shit.

His breathing picked up again, god he needed to get a hold of himself before someone saw him.

"hey, hey, Daryl it's just me, it's just me" Rick put his hands up a bit, trying to make him more relaxed.

Daryl opened his eyes, only then realising that he'd been squeezing them shut to try and stop his tears.

He blinked a few times before he could focus on Rick, God he wished he could just jump into his arms right now and let Rick make everything better.

"hey now, breathe" Rick sat on the edge of the bed, looking worried for his friend.

Daryl tried to cover his face with his hands before Rick could see the tears that had started streaming down his face but it was too late.

"no" Rick softly said while grabbing Daryls wrist, effectively stopping him from hiding.   
He swallowed hard,

"I get it"

Daryl knew that Rick had nightmares often, most of them knew that, but Rick didn't have secrets and wishes like Daryl did.

Rick scooted closer, reaching his arm out and wiping away one of Daryls tears.

He jerked his hand back a little, leaving it hovering somewhere between the two of them. Rick had a very confused expression, like he was having some sort of internal confliction.

Daryl stayed quiet, holding his breath now as opposed to his rapid breathing from just minutes prior.

Rick opened his mouth, looking like he was going to say something but never quite found the words to do so.

When Daryl realised that Rick probably didn't know what to say he quickly sat up and harshly wiped his eyes.

"what're you doing up?" he asked shakily, still trying to recover from his nightmare.  
\------------------------------------------------------------------

Rick was fighting his entire existence at this point to not just hug Daryl. He'd probably scare him and make him uncomfortable but if there was anything that Rick felt he had to do it was hug him. He was obviously shaken up about the nightmare he'd had, which didn't take a genius to figure out was about his brother.

"babies don't usually sleep sound during the night" he replied, a smile seeping it's way onto his face.

Daryl looked back at him skepticaly, as if knowing Ricks brain better than he did.  
(The baby hadn't been making a fuss when daryl woke up, he was almost sure of that) "you should sleep" daryl whispered, trying to hide his tears by ducking his head.

As always, trying to look out for Rick instead of the other way around. Rick wasn't going to stand for that.

"you don't worry about me, okay?" Rick tried to smile reassuringly.

His smile fell a little with his next sentence.  
"do you want to talk about it?" maybe this should feel more awkward than it did, Rick really couldn't care though.

Daryl shook his head a little, sniffling.  
Rick sighed moving even closer to him.

"c'mon Daryl"

Daryl looked up at him, eyes blurring again.

"'s just hard to believe he's really gone for good" A few tears fell as he said it.

"I know" that was really all the support that Rick could offer when it came to Daryl's brother. 

He gently pushed Daryl back down on the bed before resting his hand on Daryl's shoulder.

Exhaustion started taking over Daryl and he clearly needed the sleep. 

"we're gonna be okay" Rick tried to reassure Daryl, gently rubbing his back. 

Daryl hummed, if he was more awake he'd probably try and argue about that but Rick wasn't going to mention it. 

Daryl started becoming less and less aware as Rick lulled him back to sleep.

Without realising Daryl had slipped his thumb into his mouth and started gently sucking on it.

Rick's hand stilled on Daryl's back for a second, trying to comprehend what he was seeing in front of him, because he really wasn't sure if he was really seeing this or not.

A couple days ago, if anyone had ever told him he would see Daryl sucking his thumb, he'd probably laugh at them.

Now that he was seeing it though, it didn't feel so out there. He supposed that maybe Daryl was too tired to bite it and wanted the comfort of his most recognisable coping mechanism. Rick was purely trying to make excuses for it though and he knew it. 

This had nothing to do with Daryl biting his nails at all. Still, even if it was weird, it didn't feel... Wrong? Or even out of character really. Sure, Daryl was obviously a tough guy who could absolutely kill you but...  
Rick brought his hand up to Daryl's face, moving a peice of hair from falling onto his eyes.

Daryl quietly sighed, looking very content, and really that's all that Rick wanted for his family so he shouldn't judge Daryl for anything that brought him comfort.

Rick wasn't quite sure why he'd played with daryl's hair a bit, he really wasn't, but it just felt like the right thing to do. Based on Daryl finally looking like he'll get some rest, it was the right thing to do.

The thumb sucking was odd, but there were a lot of odd things about Daryl and Rick wasn't going to be an asshole about it.

He wasn't going to mention it when morning came, just be there for him if he needed it, like Daryl had always been for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really hope you guys are liking this fic :3


	4. "you know he's gonna be fine right?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After everything that happened when Daryl had his nightmare, both boys decide to avoid the other.  
> Basically a lot of worried parent Rick™ and some sad boy Daryl moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the chapter being a tiny bit late :(  
> On the plus side this chapter is longer than the others so far and I really hope you guys like it

Daryl woke up slowly, feeling more relaxed than he had in a long time.

Now however, he remembered why he felt that relaxed. How was he ever going to face Rick again? He was so stupid. So, so stupid. Rick would think that he was stupid. Rick would think he was weak. Rick would pity him.

So naturally the only choice that Daryl had was to avoid Rick for the rest of eternity right?

What made it so much worse, was that Rick seemed to have the same idea... Rick was trying to avoid him too and that was really all the confirmation that Daryl needed.  
After spending time trying to avoid Rick at all costs, he realised that hiding around the prison was a lot harder than he initially thought,so he decided to go on a run. That way no one would be able to even think about approaching him. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Rick, as always, was working hard around the prison. Farming, testing the fences, spending time with Judith, keeping his family safe. The usual for Rick. 

What was particularly unusual for Rick was not doing any jobs, runs or plans with Daryl. Not that Rick spent all of his time with Daryl... He didn't. It was out of the ordinary for Rick to not even talk to Daryl, though.

It wasn't that Rick was avoiding daryl because he didn't want to see him, in fact Rick had to stop himself from saying screw it and finding Daryl anyway. He just thought that Daryl probably wanted to be left alone after what had happened last night. 

He couldn't really see Daryl being open to talk about what happened, not that Rick would put him in that situation,he just didn't want to make Daryl feel confronted.

Okay, that wasn't the complete truth. Of course Rick was avoiding Daryl for Daryl's sake but maybe he was also avoiding him because he was ever so slightly embarrassed too. 

The last thing that Rick wanted to do was make things awkward between them. 

Rick bit back a sigh and moved away from the fence. 

Whether he liked it or not, he was going to have to see Daryl sooner or later, he might as well get the awkwardness over with now, rather than have it pile up.   
He started heading back to the prison. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Daryl was in the woods, trying to clear his head. Why did he have to be such a screw up? 

There were so many thoughts flying around his head and he felt so overwhelmed.

He barely even felt the first tears roll down his face, only pushing himself back up against a tree when his breathing started to get harder. He bit his lip hard, trying to slow everything down.

He quickly glanced around, searching for walkers or anything worse. It must have been his lucky day, seeing no threats around him, he could enjoy his personal pity party in silence. 

He shuffled down until he was sitting on the ground. Tilting his head, he looked up at the tree branches and the brightness of the sky peeking through them. 

Even with his breathing a bit steadier, he didn't feel any less anxious. Without his consent, he made some sort of whine and curled in on himself a little. 

There was something wrong with him! There was something wrong with him and no one would like him if they found out. About any of it.

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Daryl obviously wouldn't come to him, Rick thought as he reached the prison, that was part of being a leader though, right? 

Even if Rick wasn't the sole leader anymore, he knew that everyone trusted him to make the decisions. 

Daryl wasn't the type of person to confront Rick first, he just wasn't. If it weren't for Rick starting this conversation, he was almost 100% sure that Daryl would never bring it up. Ever. Therefore, Rick concluded in his mental debate on if this was a good idea or not, he had to see Daryl. He had to take initiative and let him know that nothing has to change. 

If Daryl wanted to forget it ever happened then Rick would probably follow through with that. If Rick was going to be honest with himself, he didn't really want to forget it but the embarrassment of actually acknowledging that was far too great to ever mention.

He enjoyed caring for people. It made him feel like he meant something. Rick felt important and like he'd made the right choices last night. In fact, feeling like he was doing the right thing, helping someone, was one of the only things that kept Rick sane. 

Rick took a deep breath turned the corner, expecting to see Daryl and get on with the conversation but instead he found... Nothing? 

Daryl wasn't there. Then where the hell was he? Rick closed his eyes and steadied himself, no need to start any irrational thinking right now. 

He checked in Daryl's usual hiding spots, still finding no sign of his archer. 

Eventually he just gave up and decided to ask someone where Daryl was instead of looking like an idiot. 

To find out that he couldn't find Daryl anywhere because Daryl wasn't actually anywhere near the prison was mildy reassuring, atleast Rick wasn't completely crazy, he couldn't find a trace of Daryl because he wasn't there. Makes perfect sense. 

In another way it was absolutely infuriating. 

Seriously!? This whole time Rick was trying to sike himself up to have this whole conversation, planning out details in his head, trying to make it as easy as possible. Actively searching for Daryl and for what? To find out Daryl had left on a run about an hour ago. 

In Daryl's defense, Rick definitely should have seen something like this coming. He had known it from the start of the day that Daryl wouldn't want to talk. 

Daryl probably also knew Rick on an annoyingly close level for someone who wasn't very open. There was a high chance that Daryl knew Rick would try and talk to him about what happened last night. Mainly because he knew Rick, and he knew that that was the kind of person Rick Grimes was. 

When Rick thought about it, it was actually kind of obvious that Daryl would go on a run, purely to avoid Rick and his 'let's talk about this' kind of mother hen attitude. 

It made Rick smile softly thinking about how Daryl would stay behind and die for this whole group but as soon as Rick wants to talk about emotions he's running away and hiding. 

That was Daryl though, and rick wouldn't change anything about his best friend. 

This was fine, Rick thought, suddenly very calm. He'd just wait for Daryl to come back and then talk. Besides Daryl can't stay outside the prison, avoiding Rick forever. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

As he soon realised, waiting Daryl out was a terribly difficult task.

At first Rick was just slightly amused by the fact that Daryl was staying out longer than usual.

It was around another half hour after that, that Rick was just annoyed. Was Daryl seriously going to do this?

Another half an hour went by, Rick became agitated and the annoyed feeling was more of an anger, they weren't children, why couldn't Daryl just come back like normal?

Of course Rick was worried. He was more than worried actually, he was scared.

Did something happen to Daryl? Was he stuck somewhere? Was there a horde? Were there people? Bad people?

There were so many possibilities as to what could be happening right now and Rick wasn't really coping well with that.

He was pacing back and forth in the prison, glancing up and out into the stars that now littered the darker sky.

He'd started pacing in the watch tower when he was angry with Daryl but now he was in a loop of not knowing if he should stay at the prison or leave and find Daryl.

Everytime he thought about going off on his own his mind was consumed with three thoughts:  
Daryl is an adult.  
Daryl is literally Daryl Dixon.  
Daryl can take care of himself.

He ran his hands over his face.  
He was a tiny bit of a mess right now. Daryl didn't need saving... Right? Right. Daryl didn't need Ricks help and Rick needed to remember that. Daryl didn't rely on Rick.

He heard someone coming and glanced back to see Maggie climbing up.

"hey" Rick started, he didnt really want to talk but he wasn't going to be an asshole.

"hey, how's watch?"

"fine, yeah uh fine, why'd you come up? Need something?"

Maggie stopped beside him and rolled her eyes a little.  
"actually I came up here because you've been on watch for too long. Again."

Oh. Right, he was suppose to be down a while ago. He hadn't really been thinking about the watch shifts.

Realisation must have crossed his face because Maggie laughed a little.

"we didn't want to disturb you, you seemed like you needed the space to worry."

"what" Ricks heart stopped, had he really looked like an idiot worrying about Daryl all day?

Maggie looked over the trees.

"he's going to be fine" she looked back at him. "you know that right?"

Guess it was too late to deny his anxiety, then.

"yeah, it's just been a while is all, he should've been back by now"

Maggie had a small smile.

"just making sure" 

Rick shook his head a little, smile forming on his lips. 

"hey, look. See! Told you, fine" 

Maggie nudged his shoulder and Rick glanced down, seeing none other than Daryl making his way towards the prison gates. 

Rick didnt sprint to see him. If anyone ever said that, they were lying. Simple. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Maybe Rick was a little too eager to see Daryl again because when he'd finally (seconds felt like hours to rush over to the archer) reached the spot where Daryl was now walking up, he was kind of ignored. 

Rick really, desperately even, wanted to just reach out and hug Daryl. It was like an itch in Ricks brain. He wanted to just take that extra step between them and look him over, actually look him over, to make sure he didn't have any injuries and he wasn't hurt. 

Rick wanted to blurt out about a million questions. 

Are you okay? 

Did something happen? 

Are you hurt? Don't lie to me

What happened out there? 

Did I do something wrong? 

But, as it happened, this wasn't about what Rick wanted. 

The poor archer looked like he was shivering and his face was staring directly at the ground. 

Daryl brushed past Rick, literally just moving around Rick altogether as if Rick hadn't spent the better part of his day pacing the watchtower while worrying about him. 

Carol was now walking with Daryl as they moved toward the prison together, probably chastising him about not being warm enough in the cool night air. 

In all honesty the interaction couldn't have lasted more than a minute and Rick was still stuck in place where Daryl had walked around him. It was like he was frozen and couldn't move, a very big contrast from his thoughts flying around in his head. 

That was probably the worst feeling of the entire day. Rick would actually prefer to be worrying about Daryl or even better be angry because that was so much easier to deal with. Now he had to have this horrible sinking feeling in his stomach. 

Daryl hadn't even looked at him. He hadnt even met Ricks eyes, Ricks desperate and worried eyes. It was like Rick didn't even exist in that moment, was that really because of last night? Had Rick really done something wrong? The last thing Rick wanted was to know that he was the reason for all of this. 

Rick was stumbled out of that little ramble in his mind by a hand on his shoulder. 

"dude don't look so devastated, you've been on edge all day and now your reason to worry is back, safe and sound" Glenn had this little smirk on his face and Rick simply raised his eyebrow in joking/absolutely not joking annoyance. 

"I'm not devastated" he shrugged Glenn's hand off his shoulder and started walking with his friend back to the prison too. 

Glenn just chuckled. Rick didn't really know what Glenn and Maggie thought they were up to or implying but it was clear the two were just scheming trouble makers, doing nothing else but teasing him over genuine concern for ALL of his family. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

Daryl hadn't wanted to spend all that time out in the woods, really he hadn't! He just kept thinking about how he'd be confronted by Rick and he wasn't sure if he could prepare himself for that conversation at all. 

As it turns out, the feeling of being unprepared never left him and in the end he realised that it was getting too late to continue to ponder about it all, he had to go back now, maybe if he's lucky Rick won't notice. Maybe Rick will be busy and not even realise that Daryl had returned, it was getting dark after all and everyone still had things they needed to do. 

So Daryl had made his way back to the prison and for the slightest of seconds he'd thought that maybe Rick really had forgotten about him (which put an emotional and heavy weight inside of him and made him want to squirm. Maybe Daryl hadn't wanted Rick to forget him... Just be... Unaware) however Rick had practically come bounding down to the gates in such a rush that made Daryls head spin a little. 

Now Daryl had an overwhelming, emotional feeling inside of him anyway so either way it was a lose/lose, the thought making Daryl want to huff and scrunch his nose at. 

As his feet dragged him closer to where Rick was wavering, Daryl realised very suddenly that he needed to get away from their leader as soon as possible. 

He needed to get away from Rick as soon as possible because he wasn't sure if he could keep himself from violently sobbing if he didn't. 

Daryl wouldn't, couldn't, meet Ricks eyes, he kept his gaze down. 

He wasn't sure if he could look Rick in the eyes without becoming very emotional in very little time because there was no way Rick would ever be okay with what Daryl wanted and it pained Daryl to know that. 

As he (thankfully without a flinch) moved past Rick and further toward the prison block (also thankfully without a certain sheriff on his heels) he thought about ways to avoid Rick that weren't so drastic. 

Carol had rushed up to him and made sure he was fine, tutting him when he moved away from her touch. 

He was sure that she was talking to him, probably telling him to not just dissappear like that, in all honesty he wasn't really paying any attention and she probably knew that. 

Or atleast he hadn't been paying attention until a particular statement was made. 

"really, you've had poor Rick worried all day, he hasn't been much help today, too stuck in his head thinking of every horrible possibility of what could have happened to you" 

She threw the comment around like it was nothing. Like that meant nothing. Like that was just a totally normal thing to say. 

On another note (for the time being) Daryl felt some heat on his cheeks, now he was starting to feel guilty, he hadn't been trying to annoy anyone else! 

When he came back to reality Carol had a warm smile that was leaning to more of a smirk. 

She'd said that she was going to help out with some of the new people and see if there was anything she could help with, of course before she left making sure to tell Daryl that if he needed anything she wouldn't be far. Daryl had rolled his eyes and shooed her away. 

He didn't quite know how to spend time with Rick without losing his fragile hold on his emotions but he'd try, for Rick. 

Even if he knew that Rick didn't want to look after him at all, in any way, even if it broke Daryls heart and forced him to avoid eye contact with Rick. He'd try, because apparently that was something that was important to Rick, and Daryl felt that he owed him that much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Another chapter. Only two more chapters in this work to go :3  
> Hope this chapter was good, let me know if you like it?


	5. You're my brother, but I want a daddy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group are split up after the fight at the prison, Daryl doesn't seem to handle this too well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a little bit of validation for Daryl I guess (someone finding out his secrets) but I'm gonna warn you this chapter is mostly angst and sad boy Daryl :(
> 
> On another note I hope that everyone is doing well and staying safe!! ❤️

The fight had been hard. The days following had been hell.

Not just because Daryl didn't know if any of his family was okay,  
𝘋𝘪𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘪𝘧 𝘙𝘪𝘤𝘬 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘰𝘬𝘢𝘺,  
but because Beth could read him like an open book.

It was like she could see every memory and every emotion. Like she could just tell when he was thinking about everyone,especially Rick. It wasn't like he could just stop thinking about him either because, unfortunately, Daryl thought about Rick a lot. A lot more than he maybe should and Beth could see that.

He hadn't necessarily meant to tell Beth. Scratch that, he definitely hadn't meant to tell Beth, just like he hadn't meant to tell anyone, ever. He couldn't say that it felt bad to let someone know, he felt somewhat better after letting Beth know his secrets. He had never even thought about the possibility of someone else knowing though, he didn't know what he was suppose to do now.

It wasn't as if he'd brought it up himself, it was more like he could see it all unfolding infront of him. He might have been able to stop himself at one point but if he was going to be honest he didn't really want to. 

She'd been bold and ready to speak for herself, not afraid of her beliefs or opinions (something that Daryl was proud of, she'd come a long way since the farm). 

"You been thinking about Rick?" and god she sounded so nonchalant that Daryl wanted to punch something. 

"Been thinking about everyone" it wasn't a great response but atleast it wasn't a lie. 

"yeah but especially Rick right?" 

Whether or not she was trying to get on his nerves didn't matter, she was good at it. 

"The hell's that suppose to mean?" He knew exactly what she was implying but she knew nothing about what Daryl thought about Rick. Besides Beth was young, probably just looking for something to tease him about. 

Beth just gave him a half hearted glare, she was smarter than that. 

After alcohol and crying and Beth just being Beth (a good person, daryl decided a while ago) it really didn't take a whole lot of prodding on Beth's part to get Daryl to open up. 

Ofcourse it had been an accident to tell Beth but everyone reaches their breaking point right?

It seemed that the universe was strongly against Daryl and was constantly coming up with new ways to ruin his life. Ofcourse whenever he let someone in something bad had to happen to them.

Maybe that's why he always kept Rick at arms length. Safe.   
Maybe that didn't work anyway. 

Beth was just, gone.   
How?   
Why?   
Who? 

Daryl had an infanite list of questions and no answers, a sensation he had a sinking feeling he would become even more familiar with. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Ofcourse things got worse. Daryl felt trapped. He didn't understand how people like this existed. Yet the 'Claimers' were doing a very good job of showing Daryl just how horrible people can be. 

Not only was he worried.   
About Beth,   
About Carol,   
About Rick. 

He was scared. 

He was so scared, he didn't know what he should or shouldn't do but it felt like this was never going to end and he would be trapped in this loop forever. 

He wanted Rick. 

He wanted to see Rick, to know he was okay, to have him be right there by his side because Rick would know what to do, Rick always knew what to do and even if he didn't atleast he would be there. Daryl needed Rick right now. Rick wasn't there though. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

Daryl permanently felt like he was going to throw up. He hated this group, he hated these people, he hated how scared he was. 

He wanted his old group, he wanted his family. He didn't even know who was alive anymore. 

He had heard about how they were looking for someone, they'd killed one of the claimers or something. Daryl understood revenge, understood wanting to make things even. The claimers were something else altogether though. Something that Daryl didn't like, still he knew better than to argue so he went along with it. 

To say that Daryls' heart just about stopped when he saw Rick would be an understatement. Michonne was okay, Carl was okay, Rick was okay.   
Not for long his brain reminded him. They were about to die right infront of him and he couldn't do anything. 

He would try to change this. He would do anything for his family. He would die for Rick. 

That's exactly what he intended to do. 

The next thing he knew he was offering his life, willing to trade his for Ricks in a heartbeat. 

He was so glad when his voice didn't waver or crack, especially with his family watching him. He had to do something and he had to do it now. 

"See now that right there is a lie" 

Daryl couldn't breathe, couldn't think. What was going to happen? Were they all going to die? Atleast he would die with– No. He owed Rick this much atleast. He was going to fix this, even if all he could do was buy them some time. 

He felt a sharp pain in his stomach, immediately being punched and kicked in every which way. He felt helpless and tired and weak and he was in so so so much pain. He could hear Joe saying something but he knew that it wouldn't matter what he was saying, Daryl wouldn't be able to hear the words or figure out what any of it meant. All he could do was hope that Rick and michonne were fighting back, that they were winning. He hoped that Carl was okay because god, if anything happened to that kid Daryl would absolutely blame himself to no end. 

Daryl was trying to fight back, he struggled even harder after hearing the gunshot, after hearing Carls' panicked screams. He needed them to be okay because if they weren't and he knew that and he died, well he would have died for nothing. 

Then it all seemed like a blur. Then he was okay again, because everyone else was alive. Maybe not okay, maybe not safe but they were alive. 

He knew that Rick would do anything for Carl. He assumed that they all would. Ofcourse that didn't make him less surprised of what Rick had done. 

Atleast they were okay. Atleast he could see Rick again. 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

"It's not on you Daryl" and then, as if Rick could see directly into his thoughts,  
"hey, it's not on you".

It wasn't enough to make Daryl fully believe it himself but it was enough coming from Rick. It was always enough if it was coming from Rick.

Daryl would do anything for Rick.

"You're my brother"

That one was tough to swallow. He knew Rick, knew him well enough to know how sincere he could get. Knew that somewhere Rick completely believed those words and in a way that was a relief for Daryl because he knew that he meant something to Rick. What was harder to accept was how close but yet so very far away it was from what Daryl needed. How Rick would never know just how much Daryl was struggling to hold it together in that moment.

You're my brother  
but I want a daddy.

Daryl would let himself think about that for a small second. To have the world stop spinning and let himself indulge in that thought. Maybe he didn't deserve it but he'd give himself that second to accept it. To know what he wanted and then to come out of it almost as fast as he'd gone into it, hesitantly leaving, not wanting to go but knowing that it would always be out of reach. Now was the time to get back to reality, to go to Terminus and to hopefully find the rest of his family. He was lucky enough as it was.

The second passed, he collected himself. They follow the train tracks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed guys!
> 
> Things have to get worse before it gets better but we're so so close to the end of the first part of this fic!! Super excited for what's to come...
> 
> Stay vibin ✌🏻

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you guys are liking it ❤️  
> Stay safe.


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